Raising Teenagers

I'm not going to pretend that I'm an expert because we're just beginning our journey of raising a teenager. Our firstborn is 13, and he has always been the kid who challenges our rules and opinions. Sometimes he takes things a little too far, and in so many ways, he and I are too much alike. We've had our fair share of head-butting over the years.

We all hear horror stories or carry expectations from our own teenage years, that make us a little apprehensive about raising teenagers. Most people talk about how difficult it is and how stubborn teens can be. And honestly, all of that is true and valid. I've seen glimpses of it with our oldest, too.

But there is one thing no one truly prepared me for when it comes to raising teenagers.

You get to watch this little human become a young man.

You get to witness the growth that happens between elementary school and middle school. You see their personality emerge in new ways. You watch them discover confidence in who they are. And beyond that, you realize they're becoming a really cool human being.

When I look at my son, I'm in awe of him.

His funny, jester-like personality. The kindness he shows his little brothers—something that wasn't always this strong. His concern for other people when they're hurting. His desire to help. Sure, we still have moments where we remind him to speak more kindly or listen a little closer. But wow, he is a really cool human.

What I wasn't prepared for was the heartbreak that comes with it.

The heartbreak of wanting to be around him all the time while knowing that, at this stage of life, he is naturally pulling away from his parents. He's spending more time with friends and less time with family. It's exactly what he's supposed to do, and yet there's a sadness in it that I never expected.

Sometimes I stand in the shower and cry over the regrets I carry from those early years when I was just trying to survive as a new mom.

Part of me wishes we had waited longer to have kids so I could have been more present and soaked it all in. But another part of me is grateful to be in this season of life, exactly where we are.

I do wish I had savored those younger years more.

I wish I had slowed down and enjoyed my kids a little more each day. But I can't go back and change that. The only thing I can do now is soak up every moment going forward.

I guess my point is this:

Enjoy all of the years.

The toddler years. The elementary years. The teenage years.

And when the teenage years arrive, be prepared for a different kind of heartbreak. A new season. A new awakening.

You'll watch your child step further into who they are. You'll see new strengths emerge, new interests develop, and new characteristics come to life. You'll witness growth that can leave you speechless.

Notice those things.

Point them out.

Celebrate them.

Don't spend all your time dwelling on what they aren't doing perfectly. Guide them. Love them. Be present for them.

Because one day you'll look at this teenager standing in front of you and realize that they're becoming someone you'd genuinely enjoy spending time with.

And that's one of the greatest gifts of parenthood.

What were you not prepared for?